I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My pussy is not your playground.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
