so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
