3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
