I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
