Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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