I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
