last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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