Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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