A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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