sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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