butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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