Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sober January is a disaster.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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