so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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