I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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