I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
