these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
