i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
