she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
