Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
