do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
