Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
