I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
