Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
