I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
