I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
