I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
