we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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