When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
