True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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