8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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