Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
