Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
