happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
