Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
