she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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