I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
