Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
