Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
