Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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