theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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