i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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