I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
