From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
