Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
