There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
