I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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