I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
