i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
