therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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