i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
