it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
