fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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