I like to think it a success when the cops are called
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
