the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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