WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
