Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
